Sometimes You Need to Sit Down to Level Up

Honestly, sometimes the best expression of self-care is to just sit down, often with a good drink in hand, and have some quality girl talk. After attending several #GlitteredinGoals events or happy hours, produced by Valaencia Thompson of FroRealDoe, I realized Valaencia was on to something with her latest gathering. Glittered in Goals #SummerSitDown was a very fitting name for the occasion because sometimes you need to sit down to level up.

glittered-in-goals-summer-sitdown
 Posing with the hostess Valaencia Thompson

Posing with the hostess Valaencia Thompson

 Capturing some footage of the hostess with the mostess!

Capturing some footage of the hostess with the mostess!

  • Sit Down and Do the Self-Work
  • Sit Down and Get to the Business

  • Sit Down and Let Go

At this event, Valaencia asked 4 women entrepreneurs to join her in sharing their life experiences. The panelists shared so many gems during the #SummerSitDown. Self-love. From accomplishing your goals to how to grow your business. Even letting go of the past. #ouch.

The following are my takeaways from the conversation:

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone for Yourself

Creativity requires vulnerability. To be vulnerable literally means to be in a quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. No wonder being a creative is rewarding, but yet often scary.

For many years, Moon Jamaluddin, the Owner and Executive Chef of Momo Food + Wine, struggled with low self-esteem and confidence. As a result, she witnessed many of her goals and desires to create go unfulfilled. After learning some tools from therapy, she began taking steps to begin building her confidence. A large part of her confidence building process was pushing herself to take bold actions. She confessed that even now, finding the confidence to get started working toward some of her creative goals is still a process. She shared with us three powerful questions that she uses to stop holding herself back. The same three questions can be used to help you take bold actions too:

  1. What is it that I want?
  2. Am I willing to do the work to achieve what I want?
  3. What am I waiting for?
 Moon Jamaluddin was not only a panelist, but debut her artwork as a vendor at the event.

Moon Jamaluddin was not only a panelist, but debut her artwork as a vendor at the event.

 Art by Moon Jamaluddin

Art by Moon Jamaluddin

Whether you are a blogger, an artist, or a chef, anytime you create, you are exposing a piece of yourself. There are times when we need to remind ourselves that we need to step out of comfort zone for ourselves! As much as we may be creating for others to enjoy, we are very much also creating for ourselves--because creativity is life.

Learn to Love Yourself by Any Means Necessary

There is a difference between self-care and self-love. In the era of self-care, many of us are aren’t exactly experts at loving ourselves.

Celeste, AKA The Fro Whisperer and the owner and force behind Eclectic Vibez Hair Salon, spoke to us about her journey of self-love and acceptance. Celeste described chopping her hair off and then staring at her reflection every day. In doing so, she recounts forcing herself to love her big forehead, her cheekbones, everything she found hard to love about herself until it became instinctual.

My biggest takeaway from her self-love journey: there may come times when you have to force yourself to love yourself even if that means removing a part of yourself that you are hiding behind. Hair. Designer clothes. Relationships.

How to Practice Self-Love Daily

Wisdom from Eliza Boquin, Co-Founder of Melanin and Mental Health, plus a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Relationship Therapist, and Sexuality Expert:

  1. Ask yourself “What am I doing to make sure I’m intact?” This may include things you don’t want to do, but need to do!
  2. Exercise and nourish your body.
  3. Be honest about what moves your spirit and what makes your heart happy.

Learn to say no. No is a really loving thing to say to others, and even to yourself.
—Eliza Boquin, Melanin and Mental Health

 Got catch them angles! Posing with Celeste. PS- She gave me one of my very first curly cuts!

Got catch them angles! Posing with Celeste. PS- She gave me one of my very first curly cuts!

 (From left to right) Celeste, Eboni Harris, Eliza Boquin

(From left to right) Celeste, Eboni Harris, Eliza Boquin

Wisdom from Eboni Harris, Co-Founder of Melanin and Mental Health, plus a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist:

  1. Spend time with friends. Even when you aren’t feeling it, good friends will show you the positive.
  2. Spend time alone. There are lessons to learn about yourself when you are by yourself.
  3. Be intentional and attentive. Throughout your day, pay attention to what makes you feel good and bad. Then be proactive about the actions you make.

Growing Your Biz Requires Honesty and Transparency

During the Glittered in Goals #SummerSitDown, the panelists also shared their professional experiences. During the conversation, there were many business tips shared.

Celeste reminded us to stop hiding behind the camera and to show off our personality. Truthfully, people want to see the person behind the company. Building an authentic brand is crucial--especially in saturated markets. As someone who is an introvert, I know how difficult this can be. However, similar to Moon, I’ve learned to take bold moves.

Don't do it for the income. Do it for the outcome. Do it for your "WHY?"
—Celeste, Eclectic Vibez

Eliza Boquin and Eboni Harris, the Co-Founders of Melanin and Mental Health, shared an experience that many of us high-achieving women can relate to: struggling with perfectionism. As business partners, Eliza and Eboni had to learn how to balance the work that had to be done to grow their brand. They recounted a moment when Eboni expressed to Eliza that she felt she was taking on too much of the work. Eliza recalls having no idea and thinking that Eboni enjoyed the tasks she was completing. Basically, the moral of the story: Learn how to delegate. You do not have to add everything to your plate.

Time Alone Does Nothing, You Must Discover the Lesson

I know I have been guilty of holding on to the past. I’ve held on to a failed relationship for way too long after I knew good and well that it was not going to ever work. I’ve held on to mistakes that I’ve made knowing that I couldn’t undo the damage. However, Eliza and Eboni reminded me that I have to treat myself with self-compassion. Hoping for the past to change is futile. Accept the past. Don’t judge it. Our responsibility is to learn from the past, more about ourselves or about the people we’ve encountered.


 Tailor Marie— custom head wraps + accessories

Tailor Marie— custom head wraps + accessories

 CanCans Confections— delicious desserts

CanCans Confections— delicious desserts

 Tailor Marie— custom head wraps + accessories

Tailor Marie— custom head wraps + accessories

 Yendor Gold— hand crafted body products

Yendor Gold— hand crafted body products

 Yendor Gold— hand crafted body products

Yendor Gold— hand crafted body products

 ARW Jewelry— handcrafted fine jewelry

ARW Jewelry— handcrafted fine jewelry

Women-Owned Businesses: Tailor Marie, Yendor Gold, ARW Jewelry, CanCans Confections

After the conversation, there was time to connect with the panelists, support women-owned businesses, and chat with the other women in attendance. My favorite thing about Glittered in Goals is that Valaencia’s energy attracts the perfect mixture of women—if you ever attend a Glittered in Goals event, you will see that every single woman is kiking with one another like they’ve known each other for years.

That is truly magical.